It's been a rough year, my friends. And as much as I love my Indy community and am committed to giving Noah time to ground, to gain new experiences, to work, and to being with his friends - I miss being in nature. I miss walking out my door and onto a trail in the mountains or digging my toes into the desert sand. I miss feeling utterly exhausted at the end of a long adventure. That’s the GOOD kind of exhaustion.

We will still be rooting down a little in Indy for a chunk of 2023 but I'm also planning some very strategic and deliberate travels. Noah is missing some of his favorite spots and he is starting to think of the future and where he wants to settle in some roots. I'm missing my work and active life in the desert, the mountains and along the coasts. We are having discussions as to what this looks like and how to move forward with future plans. My heart is always and forever tucked away in the slot canyons of southern Utah and on top of the tallest peaks in western Colorado but I need to make sure our travels this coming year also align with Noah's future goals as well as where I can generate the income doing what I LOVE to do with my photography. I'm manifesting greatness for 2023. I'm putting all of my energy towards continuing to pivot and create a life that feels good to us again. 2022 has beat us down and left us exhausted in many ways but I’m no quitter nor am I raising one.

I will always stay imbedded into the active lifestyle/outdoor photography world. It’s just as much a part of me as my camera. But. I had to take a break from working with large companies in the commercial realm. A couple of large assignments made me feel overworked, underpaid and taken advantage of in a lot of ways. I even walked away from an opportunity to work with a company that I had been excitedly pursuing for over a year. How they handle the negotiation process says A LOT about how they will treat you while working together and I now know a red flag when I see one. I've paused most of my outdoor work to regain my bearings and work on healthier professional boundaries. Will I work for large companies moving forward? Of course. But I won’t be wasting my time or my precious energy when the red flags are there from the beginning.

Not keeping healthy boundaries earlier this year, in both my professional and social life, really took its toll on my mental and physical health. Then you add on the $15,000 worth of mechanical repairs to get Frankie truly where I wanted her for the road and I had nothing left to give. Not physically, not mentally, not emotionally and not financially. By the end of June, I was tapped out and could barely peel myself out of bed. I was so drained and, dare I say, depressed. Hell, maybe I am still just a little.

While being in Indiana has been primarily for Noah, it has also provided me with time to rest and heal, and it has given me the gift of my community who is always here for me when I put the bus in park. I made some big dietary changes, and I forced myself to get out for long daily walks in the city with my dog and my camera, and I started creating for me again. Now if I could just pull my shit together enough to engage more with my community, like I used to, that would be great. :) I haven’t been the one to rally everyone like I used to love to do. I wait for invitations more than I invite others or insert myself. Having an incredibly busy work schedule these past couple of months made me have to turn down a lot of invites that I otherwise would have accepted. So, if you’d like to gather, I encourage you to reach out. And that doesn’t just mean to/with me. If you want to gather with your friends…speak up. Extend that invite. And don’t be offended or sad when friends politely decline. Invite again. A lot of people, myself included, have really been struggling and it’s truly the knowledge that we are missed or thought of that gets us by sometimes.

I know that this has been a little bit of a word vomit but I feel like it is way past time to be vulnerable and authentic. In a greater “social media” sense, I’ve been a little quiet on the personal realm for far too long. I’ve heard WAY too many other stories like mine this year. I’m leaning into being more honest and authentic because walking around with a fake smile on my face is not honest and, quite frankly, fucking toxic. I want my loved ones to know that I am struggling. I want them to know that they are not alone in their own struggles. So, if you caught a bit of my curmudgeonly self at First Friday last night, I’m sorry…you’re welcome. ;) But also, I am extremely grateful for the warm welcomes and love that I received last night. I felt all of it and feel more energized by you all.

I’m doing my best navigating a lot right now. I bet you are, too. I want you to know, we’ve got this. Let’s lean on each other, lift each other up, and let’s manifest some motherfucking joy for 2023.